Garden Journal - 2nd week of April

The free-standing raised flower bed is built, filled, and planted. The small ring about the lilacs is built. I still need to put some potted plants in it. And the lilacs are blooming!

I've planted some Shasta Daisy seeds in one window box and two hanging pots.

I've planted the bed of green beans along with the first planting of cantaloupes, cucumbers, lettuce, green onions, radishes, and regular onions.

MR. PRESIDENT, I'M HEADED TO MEXICO

Dear President Bush:

I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and extended family, and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements. I know you can help with this.

I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here.

So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente Fox, that I'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.

3. All government forms need to be printed in English.

4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.

5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.

6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down.

7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.

8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.

9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic laws.

10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak English.

11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals on my car and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.

12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and don't enforce any labor laws or tax laws.

13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on the economy.

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that Pres. Fox won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.

However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail hunting with the V.P.

Thank you so much for your kind help.

Sincerely,
AMERICAN TAXPAYER

It's official now.

I know the baseball season started last week, but it isn't official until the home opener. The Braves had their home opener last night and we were there with 47,328 of our closest friends - including former President Carter and his wife and NASCAR driver Jimmie Johnson. The weather was beautiful, we had good seats, the game moved along well, and the Braves won. What more could you ask for? (Besides more sleep - it was after midnight by the time we got to bed.)

Congratulations

Yesterday was our 29th wedding anniversary. We didn't do much to celebrate but I did watch "Brigadoon" last night.

Laughs from Employee Performance Evaluations

For everyone who has ever had an evaluation - just remember, it could have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from federal government employee performance evaluations.

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."

4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better."

10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

13. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

14. "He's been working with glue too much."

15. "He would argue with a signpost."

16. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

17. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

18. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

19. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

20. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

21. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

22. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

23. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

24. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

25. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

26. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

27. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

28. "One neuron short of a synapse."

29. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

30. "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60-minutes."

31. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

Springtime in Atlanta

Atlanta is beautiful in the spring. After the daffodils and Bradford pear trees finish blooming, the azaleas, cherry trees, redbuds, and dogwoods take over. Of course, cars and pavement turn yellow with pine pollen (the pollen count today is 2262 - anything over 150 is considered to be hazardous to health), but the blooming trees and shrubs make up for it.

But I found the ultimate harbinger of spring yesterday. I was working on a raised flower bed. I turned one of the 24 pound pavers on end to lift it and found three baby copperheads napping under it. I called John out to see and we stood there watching them for a couple of minutes before John got the hoe and "disposed" of them. They are now decomposing under a bag of paver base (so the dogs can't dig them up).

And my raised bed is coming along quite nicely.

AaaaaCHOOOOO!!

Important announcement...

On Wednesday, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00 in the morning and again in the afternoon, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06. That won't ever happen again.

(Don't you just love twisted people with too much free time?)

You may now return to your (normal ?) life.